Thoughts #1

Image taken by me (K.W) inside a little coffee shop I found in Guildford (2019)

How many thoughts and dreams have you suppressed because you thought you weren’t good enough? How many times were you your own reason for not following through with an idea or a passion? I’m not talking procrastination, I’m talking pure fear and self doubt that you were going to fail so badly that you didn’t even bother trying. You didn’t even bother to see if you were wrong?

This is something that I am definitely guilty off. There are so many things I would like to do, things I am interested in or passionate about and I just never do any of them. I sit around wallowing in this guilt that I am not living to the fullest, I am not experiencing enough, not trying enough. I feel like I am watching life happen around me, all the while certain that the good stuff and the successful things happening to other people would never happen to me. In my head, I think; why would they? I don’t have what they have, the knowledge, the skills the whatever they have and to be honest this thinking is exhausting. It is so demotivating and while the years of my life tick by, I am still failing to believe enough in myself .

It is hard to pick a time where this thinking became the norm for me, where all this anxiety and self doubt stemmed from. What I do know is that this needs to change. I need to develop a mind set where I just go and do things. I don’t want to be 80 years old and regretting life because I was too afraid to pursue anything. I need to work on becoming more positive and more accepting of myself, of the possibility of success and the chances of failure. I need to build on my confidence.

Something I would like to focus on is photography. I’ve always enjoyed how a single click can capture a moment so beautifully. I loved how a picture can say a thousand words. So this is something I am going to try and educate myself a little more on, things like editing and programmes. If anyone has any suggestions for tutorials please drop them in the comments! I am very open to information. I will also post some shots that I take on my page here, because there is nothing wrong with being proud of something.

Another thing I have always enjoyed is writing. Probably where the idea to start a blog was born. I have a very creative imagination and I absolutely love writing stories, in my head! I really struggle writing my ideas down and more often than not, by the time I sit down to write something down I am struck with writers blog! I am going to try and jot down things in my notes on my phone when I am out and about. That might help! I also want to submit one of my stories into some into some kind of competition, anyone know of any? I know I could probably google some but I would love to hear about the process from anyone that has submitted their writing.

I am not going to go into crazy amount of details of every thought or interest I ever had- I’ll be here for many days & hours!

I must admit writing all this down has made me feel better, I was definitely sitting bubbling in my own thoughts, so writing them down and getting them out of my head has helped. Of course now that I have voiced these things out loud, I want to believe that I am going to actually go ahead and do all those things which will help to create a more confident version of me. I do believe, to be able to sit here and reflect about myself like this is a good first step. However, I really hope I’m not the only person that feels like this? If this is something you, my dear reader, have experienced, what was your way to overcome this? or how are you still working through it?

It will take time, Rome wasn’t built in a day and all that.

Be kind to one another

Kamila

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